fever + meds + fatigue = 1st blog

ok so here i am. sick as hell with a freakin fever and a cold. i can't fuckin go to sleep. stupid mind won't fuckin stop thinking. i dont even know what the hell im gonna write in here but wut the hell ill spew to entertain u guys for 10 mins. i dont know whats going on with me. lately ive been up and down so much, it's crazy. i mean i know ive had my moments of moodiness, but lately, its been consistent. i cant even blame it on PMS, for reasons that i will not disclose on this blog. i hate everything. ok well maybe coz right now i almost OD'd on meds and its not helping me any, but wutever. guys suck. life sucks. my luck sucks. i swear. the past FIVE, yes FIVE, guys that i've been interested in are all unavailable. wut the fuck is up with that?! i mean really?! cant i meet ONE, just ONE, guy with no fuckin package attached to him?! just the guy and his awesome self. no girlfriends, no stalker exes, no other sex preference. like really?! cmon whoever u are up there cant i get a damn break?! i dont know. that was stupid. wutever. i dont care. i hate everything lol.

growing up sucks. i hate having to think constantly about decisions that affects my entire future. i mean cmon! i feel like im not even living now so how the hell am i suppose to figure out how im gonna live in the future?! i dont know if wut im doing right now is right, i mean who the hell does nowadays right? we all wish we can know the future, but we cant.

so continuing this entry..its now 630 am. i am light headed and i haven't had much sleep. i mean waking up every half hour to blow your nose and cough doesn't sound much like a great night right. i dont even know why im writing in here. maybe because its cool? hahah. i dont know. writing doesnt seem to be for me. i cant write beautiful words and deep meaningful thoughts. ive always been secretly jealous of writers. how they can seem to just make the words flow and make sense of ANYTHING. i wish i can do that. i wish i can take all these jumbled thoughts inside my head, write em down on paper, and make sense of it all. make sense of life and what's really the point of it...